Living Nextdoor To Alice
by Domino Samme
Summary: I explained my plan to him, watching as his cautious frown gradually morphed into a smile until he was beaming with delight. Like I always said, you can never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother. Rated T just in case.
1. Alice

**Hey this is my first Twilight fic. Sorry this first chapter is short but it is more just setting up the story. It is a sort of prologue I guess. They will get longer (hopefully). Thanks to my editor time.forgets. and also I'm sorry in advance to fans of Bella and Edward and all that. It is very possible that I will pick on them quite a lot because I don't like them. Sorry. I'm more of an Alice and Jasper fan (but of course I love Jacob too). And no I don't really hate Rosalie she's just so easy to pick on.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the characters and anything related to Twilight. Yeah.**

Alice

I really did get bored a lot. I had put all of my clothes (well, the clothes in the house) into order so perfectly. By colour and then by how many straps and then by designer and then put them all away again. I'd bought everything of interest off of eBay and there was nothing good coming up for weeks. The new season of fashion wasn't in for another month. I'd hunted earlier that day. Jasper was in the middle of reading the entire set of Encyclopedia Britannicas so I couldn't really do anything with him. Rosalie had been especially cold since the whole Renesmee thing and Emmett had just got a new Xbox game so I wouldn't be hearing much from him for another few days. I had exhausted my lengths of amusement.

I looked around the room. Carlisle was sitting next to Esme, his hand resting gently over hers, a small but somehow significant show of affection. Emmett was plonked in front on the tv playing his new Crash Bandicoot Racing, Rosalie was standing by the window staring off into space, Bella and Edward were off in their cottage being all private and Jasper was sitting on the floor in front of me with a seven fat old books spread out on the floor around him. He was currently absorbed in one labelled K-M, turning the page every ten or fifteen seconds. Every few minutes he would absent mindedly kiss my calf. I was sitting on the couch with my legs wrapped loosely around his neck, with nothing to do. I closed my eyes, looking for something interesting that was to happen today...

something interesting...

something interesting...

something interesting...

...

something _remotely_ interesting then...

...

hmm...

something even faintly interesting...

...

surely there must be something...

...

slightly?

...

...

...damn.

How could there be _nothing at all!?_ I thought for a while longer for something that I could do to add some excitement to my dreary day. I eventually thought of something. Something that was very immature, but then I guess immaturity was quite a feat for someone of my age. I had a quick peek into the future to see if it'd work. It was all fuzzy. Must've be that damn dog lying in the corner. Well, no harm in trying. I took a deep breath (not that I needed it but it added to the effect).

"PENIS!"

Jasper looked at me strangely. What he didn't see was that shouting was a very pleasing way of making someone annoyed. It was rarely needed for vampires and therefore it usually got on someone's nerves and caused a reaction. An when a vampire got pissed, they got _really _pissed. My efforts were soon rewarded.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH ALICE!!" Rosalie yelled back just as loudly.

Good. A response. I rubbed my hands together, hoping for more.

"Take it _downn_ a notch Rosalie." Jacob mumbled sleepily from the corner. "Geez."

Ooh the werewolf was getting involved. Even better.

Rosalie ignored him.

Jacob sighed. "Dumb blo-"

In a fraction of a second Jacob was pinned against the wall with Rosalie holding him down, bearing her teeth angrily. "Jacob!" she hissed.

"Yeah?" He asked innocently. "What's up _blondey_? Oooh I have one for you. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?"

"I'm warning you Jacob..."

Jake grinned. "Pull out the pin and throw it back."

Oh that's gold.

Rosalie growled angrily. "Anything you say can and _will _be held against you." She snapped.

The corners of Jake's mouth twitched as he fought another smile. "Breasts?"

I really did like having Jacob around. He was always a source of entertainment.

Emmett and Carlisle were there in a flash and seized the thrashing blonde vampire before she could pulverize the young werewolf. "You will _pay_ you _filthy_ mongrel!" She shrieked.

But then it was over as quickly as it had started. Jacob was asleep, Rosalie was subdued... well, as subdued and Rosalie was going to be within the next month now. Emmett returned to the TV and Carlisle returned to Esme.

Well that was an anti-climax. All my fun was suddenly gone. Woosh.

Back to bordem. I sat there for at least an hour or so before Jasper spoke.

"I remember that place." He mumbled to himself, his face in an encyclopaedia labelled N-P. I leant down and skimmed across the page, looking for what had captured his intention. I soon found the word _prado _in italics, next to short description describing a park in Madrid. I was about to sit up again when two words, sitting gloriously in italics a few spaces above _prado_, caught my eye. These two fantastic words were the answer to my bordem.

_Practical Jokes_.

A plan quickly formed in my head. I only needed one person to help.

"Jasper." I whispered before I flew out the front door, the wind racing through my hair, and didn't stop till I was deep in the woods. I couldn't afford any of the others hearing what I was going to say. It'd ruin everything. I stopped very suddenly and Jasper slid gracefully to a halt next to me.

"What's wrong Alice?"

I explained my plan to him, watching as his cautious frown gradually morphed into a smile until he was beaming with delight. Like I always said, you can never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother. I was technically at present quite a few years _older_ than my grandmother so it wasn't something I could put to practice but hey. I had my plan so intricate and thought out and understood it so well that Jasper took in every little detail, getting more and more excited by the minute. He was the equivalent of a grandmother.

I leant in close to him. "So are you in?"

--

**R&R PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE but no flames**

**p.s. Sorry if I'm slow to update. I get writer's block really easily but I'll try to keep the chapters coming. I just don't want to post things up if they aren't finished because then there really isn't much point.**


	2. Target One

**AN: Sorry I took ages to update. I had school camp all this week and couldn't write. I have another camp next week sorry. I'll try to write whenever I can though. Enjoy!**

Our first target: Rosalie

We knew exactly what we were going to do and when we were going to do it. Well, we mostly knew what we were going to. In all of our excitement we hadn't realised straight away the one flaw in our plan. Jasper and I were now brainstorming.

"We could try a normal razor..." I suggested

"That won't work. We are going to have to use our teeth Alice."

"That'll take ages! And how are we meant to get close enough to use them without her noticing?"

Jasper grinned. "We don't have to."

I cocked my head to one side.

"Together we are stronger than her."

I jumped off my bed that we were both sitting cross legged on. "This is Rosalie's hair we are talking about here. She will pull strength from places we didn't know existed to protect it. Places _she _didn't know existed!"

Jasper shrugged. "Then we get Bella's help. Rose can't overpower all of us, especially with a newborn to assist."

I shook my head. Bella wouldn't do it. She wasn't a mean person. A bit whiny but not mean. Maybe Emmett. He was strong. Hmm. No. He'd be much too scared of her to do anything like that.

As if on cue, I heard a door slam and then yelling.

"ROSALIE! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" Emmett cried as he stormed down the stairs from his room.

"You were playing it way too much Emmett."

"SO YOU BROKE IT?"

"Woah back off. It's not like you'd get off it if I just _asked you nicely_."

"I WAS THIS CLOSE TO BEATING THE FINAL BOSS AND YOU THROW IT AWAY? IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF ASKING NICELY?"

"It's just a game Emmett."

I head the sound of a wall denting followed by a window smashing. I looked out the back to catch a glimpse of Emmett running across the back lawn, into the forest. Probably to collect his thoughts.

Wow. I'd never seen him so angry.

Jasper smiled. "I think we just found our helper."

--

Emmett was nodding excitedly as we explained our plan. "Yes yes yes I'll help. That'll show her."

Good. He was in.

"So, when do we strike?" He asked.

"Today. Fifteen hundred hours." Jasper explained.

I raised an eyebrow. "Fifteen what what?"

"It means three o'clock. Sorry, it's a military term."

I frowned questioningly.

He shrugged. "It sounds cool…"

Emmett grinned wickedly and nodded.

I backed away slightly. "You know you're scaring me Emmett."

"Anyway," Jasper continued, ignoring my antics. "3pm means we have two hours to get it all together. I suggest…"

--

It was 2:58pm, or fourteen hundred fifteen eight to speak in Jasper terms. I was in position, sitting completely silently behind the couch where Rosalie was reading. She had no idea I was there. I wasn't moving or breathing. Edward and Carlisle were out on a bonding hunting trip while Esme and Bella were out buying food for the wolves. He was feigning sleep in the corner. He had insisted on staying to watch. We decided that we could trust him not to blab to Edward and ruin the fun.

I made eye contact with Jasper who was poised on the window sill behind me. I glanced at the clock. 2:59pm. I got a fresh run of adrenaline. As soon as the clock hit 3:00pm we struck. I could see Emmett's foot sticking out from the side of the couch. He was perched right under the armrest, just out of Rose's eye line. He twitched very slightly as the clock ticked slowly towards 3. Jasper must've seen it too because I felt a strange wave of calmness take me over. But it only lasted momentarily as the clock ticked down the final five seconds before strike.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

"NOW!"

Rosalie jumped in surprise and the three of us jumped onto her pinning her down. Emmett took her legs and I took her arms while Jasper tied a blindfold around her eyes.

"What the hell is going on!?" She cried in shock, struggling in vain against our three vampire body.

Jasper made the first bite, and a lock of blonde hair fell to the floor.

"OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Rosalie struggled harder as more locks floated to the floor.

"My turn!" Emmett screamed.

"EMMETT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Rose shrieked. "YOU DO ANYTHING TO MY HAIR AND I WILL KILL YOU ALL!"

Emmett began to rip huge chunks of blonde from Rosalie's head, cackling manically in the process. "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT NOW HUH? HUH?"

Emmett was being really evil lately.

I was going to butt in and ask for a try but I was just a bit worried that Emmett would hurt me if I interrupted his fun.

All the while Rosalie was screaming and thrashing at the thought of losing her hair. A china vase fell to the floor, smashing to smithereens.

We were just about finished. A pile of blonde hair was on the floor at our feet. Jasper turned to Jacob. "I suggest you run very far very fast right now Jacob."

Jacob was gone before he finished the sentence.

"Okay, you ready guys? Three, two, one-"

And we were off. Faster than we had ever been. Well you would be too if you had a maniac chasing after you because you cut off most of her hair and it would never grow back. Of course, we had been kind enough to leave Rosalie with some of her hair. She had a nice long golden rat's tail, swishing out behind and she ran after us so she could murder us all personally.

--

It took a few hours to get Rosalie to calm down, and even then she wasn't exactly calm. At least she had stopped trying to throw the couch at us.

Carlisle was not pleased. Jasper, Emmett and I were grounded. No more shopping, music, anything. We were confined to our rooms for the next _two months_, only leaving to hunt. But of course, being teenagers (figuratively), we managed to communicate under the radar. We had been given a taste of pranks, and we wanted more. We had considered Carlisle as a target as he had been the one to imprison us, but then again he was just doing his job as a father. We chose Edward instead, because he had gotten us the two month grounding. Originally it had been a month but then the stupid boy pointed out the broken vase that we had swept up before they got home. Edward noticed it missing, heard about it in our thoughts, found the remains in the bin and blabbed. We were not happy with him.

Now we knew who to prank, we had to decide on what to do. Everyone was out except for us, so we sat around in Emmett's room trying to think of something. So far we had a few ideas, none of them very good. Leaving a note from Bella asking him to arrange a party for her wouldn't work because he would smell us on it and he would check with Bella if it was true. Another problem was that he could hear our thoughts. We couldn't do any directly to him.

Emmett frowned, thinking hard. "We could always do something to his room…" he murmured to himself, trying to think of something in particular. Of course, he didn't need to. He had Jasper and me.

"Paint it pink and replace all his CDs with Britney Spears and S-Club 7 and Miley Cyrus!" I squealed. I was getting excited already.

Jasper nodded. "Alice, do you have any clothes from last season or something?"

Before he had finished speaking, I had run to my room and returned with an armful of pinks and frills.

Emmett burst out laughing.

"The only thing we have to sort out now is how to get paint and all the CDs. I don't suppose you have any Miley Cyrus lying around do you Jasper?" I asked casually.

Emmett laughed harder.

Jasper stopped mid punch, his eyes lighting up. "We're going to sneak out."

**A.N Hope you liked it. I'm not above begging you know. I do like reviews. I think everyone does. Puppy dog eyesplease review**


End file.
